I Hear the Sounds of the Universe (Tinnitus Experience)

This seasonal song seems appropro for today's topic:

Said the little lamb to the Shepard boy

Do you hear what I hear?
Ringing through the sky Shepard boy
Do you hear what I hear?
A song, a song
High above the tree
With a voice as big as the sea
With a voice as big as the sea

Sometimes, our mind just seems to make things bigger than life, bigger than the sea...

My recent Jin Shin Jyutsu and other complementary and alternative medicine explorations have been centered on learning about my own healing projects of late, the label of "tinnitus," only I wouldn't exactly say it sounds like a song...(may be pronounced either as "tinn-a-tus" or "tin-eye-tis"; I prefer the former as I think of an "-itis" as an infection.)

For ringing in the ears, the most simple JSJ hold is:  Hold your ring finger!

Easy to remember...
It didn't seem to change things though, so I either didn't apply it diligently enough, or need to investigate further. I think when Mary Burmeister said, "Now Know MySELF" she was telling us to use this art to increase self awareness; awareness of one's own body, sensations, responses, energy. And of course, of the relationship between ourselves and All That Is, in a holographic sense.
This study brings me to a new level of integral awareness,

allowing me the opportunity to experience new ways of being present to what has been placed before me. Today, I'll share it with you in the form of poetry:

The Sounds of the Universe:  Musings on Tinnitus

I hear

The sound of 10,000 miniature cicadas

Who have forgotten they can stop their mating call.

My brain

Remembers the sound

Of a tubed TV

Left on after the programming has ceased.

Why is the memory of after-ringing

From an energetic concert

Persisting?

I enjoyed it so much…at the time.

I wake up to a thousand temple bells

Ringing in the distant reaches of my brain;

Or is it delicate tiny hairs damaged

From a childhood ear infection that I do not recall?

No one knows for sure.

One can mask the symptoms,

But the true source remains

A mystery.

I ask: “Is there a message I am supposed to be hearing?”

I AM paying attention…

Some say, “Don’t pay too much attention.”

Sounds of

Constancy,

Yet variable…

I do not want to believe it could be

A little ½ cup of caffeine

Or 2 oz of red wine;

I have so few vices left!

Do I give these little pleasures up now?

I am not ready!

Blessed ear drops of garlic and mullein

Healed the pulsatile sound

Of ocean waves a year or two ago

To no avail at present.

So, must not be edema, or a swollen vessel

That’s my guess anyhow.

Medications? Bah! I do not take any.

Loud music? Maybe, from many years gone by

But why would it pop up now?

I hear the sounds of the Universe

Snakes slithering,

10 million miniature Buddhas ringing tiny temple bells;

Fleshy fingertips brushing softly across a chalkboard

Thankful it is not the fingernail sound,

Because it is endless.

Refrigerator humming...

But there is not pause for relief.

I keep thinking that if my brain can ignore it some of the time

I might be able to train it to ignore it on cue,

But it rebels.

Silent meditation? Not anymore.

Paradox: listening to sounds louder than the tinnitus reduces my awareness of it.

But maybe causes more damage.

Do I have an acoustic neuroma?

And if so, what treatment?

When I had radiation treatment for cancer

They told me I was getting a “lifetime maximum dose”

I never had the ringing tones then

Maybe because I’ve lived longer than they predicted it’s been long enough,

Maybe living beyond the expected lifetime

Would mean it’s safe enough

To irradiate a tumor.

But maybe I don’t want to know I have another one.

Labels: Tinnitus. Cancer. No one can tell me the source of either.

At least the cancer is gone

Maybe the tinnitus will follow.

I will try the unconventional medicine

What have I got to lose?

Traditional Chinese medicine tells me it is the element of Metal

Or kidney or bladder meridian work that is needed

Or Jing depletion, stress

Is the energy of my ancestors

Calling me to listen

More carefully?

Ayurveda says it could be the sound of "nad",

Serpentine power

Awakened

And will respond to soothing oils and warm foods

A missive of spiritual transformation,

About to happen or is happening now.

What is the message?

I dunno

Maybe there isn’t one.

Or, perhaps the message is simply one of acceptance

And moving on.

Outliving Cancer: Year 19

This week I have a special gratefulness: I’ve outlived my cancer diagnosis for 19 years! Being able to say that, I feel a sense of triumph and jubilation inside of me. I have beaten the enemy! Conquered the odds! Annihilated evil cells with their claw-like appendages that tried to infiltrate the very tissues of my heart and lungs! I’m alive, healthy, and well, so take that, you evil blight!

Okay, so now that I’ve admitted feeling like I’m some sort of winner in a dreadful war which really has no ‘sides’, against a tricky disease for which there is no proven cure, the truth: what helped me live with, and I believe, outlive, my cancer diagnosis was, well….LOVE. Yes, love. Not images of “winning the war against cancer” as mass media hype would have us rally ‘round, not the power we think hatred and resentment has over a condition we did not ask for, nor activating anger-energy to “survive”; no, truthfully, it really was Love.

The irascible Dr. Phil of TV show fame says there are “ten defining moments” in our living history that enter our consciousness with such power that they transform and lead us to become the core of who we are. Positive or negative, they help us to uncover our authentic selves. Although I personally find his bravado persona and Hollywood tactics highly annoying, I must admit there is merit to this concept. Indeed, one of my own ‘defining moments’ arose during the tentative time of undergoing cancer treatments, and led to a personal antidote for dealing with the unfairness, the angst, and the unpredictability of living life - with or without the frightening disease we call Cancer.

Since my surgery for Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma was considered “unsuccessful” (i.e, there was too much tumor in fragile places to “get it all out”), chemotherapy and radiation were next in line (ugh!). I decided to employ Guided Imagery, and being the curious fact-finding maven that I am, read the literature-both lay and scientific. It appeared the most successful images were fighting soldiers or sharks killing off the evil cancer enemy, but I cringed every time I tried to do it.

I attempted to switch to a friendlier, Pac-Man bubblehead figure gaily chomping away at the tumor next to my heart, but it still felt too predatory for me. Either way, someone got annihilated.

At the time I didn’t think to dredge up the great east Indian or Hindu deities with their legendary wrath and power against evil (they have many): Shiva The Destroyer; Durga, Slayer of Demons; or Kali, the omnipotent, dark-side representation of Shakti, the Supreme Destroyer of Evil! But even with my connection to yoga philosophy and practice, I don’t think Kali’s garland of skulls or Shakti’s ten mighty arms full of lethal weapons would’ve worked for me.

So, what was the “defining moment” that spun me around? It was the question:

“How can I hate a part of myself?”  

Like it or not, the cancer cells that were rapidly proliferating inside my mediastinum and poaching the territory of my pericardium, invading my lymph, and diminishing my ability to breathe, were a part of my body, originating from my own cells, and I couldn’t bring myself to hate or kill my self. The defining moment was the recognition that I loved my self. Just as I was, and that meant cancer and all.  I was more akin to the Japanese Goddess of Mercy and Compassion, Kannon, not a wrathful avenger who could kill something perceived as ‘the enemy’!

So what did I do?

I began to wonder, since this cancer is a part of me, what if I could view it without fear? 

What if I asked it what it wants, and what the heck it’s doing here in my body? What does it need?? Since at the time I was too fatigued to do much other than lay around and do yoga in my mind anyways, I meditated on this for a while. I decided to let my own spontaneous imagery arise and do what needed to be done.

Coming back

Sometimes a hiatus is needed, I guess this is true with my blogging! My Jin Shin Jyutsu learning, teaching, practicing continues, along with those that come through providing therapeutic massage and yoga. I have a renewed commitment to catalog and share my ideas, intuitions, thoughts, and experiences in a variety of ways, and hope you will enjoy the poem below. I have been following my Intuition to increase aerobic exercise (after resisting putting it into full action for awhile), with a goal of 60 min. 6 days a week (I'm working on it!). Two years ago I said, "I think my running days are over." Once I got started, and rediscovered how much better I feel, more mentally alert and vibrant throughout the day, giving myself the time to do it became a smidge easier! The poem below was written during a recent jog in my neighborhood (I'm doing the Run to 5K program and sometimes listen to music; at times, I use the elliptical machine, or power walk instead.)

The grass is Crisp
Beneath my feet.

Half frozen walnuts
Try to trick me playfully
Rolling beneath my arches


It is a test!
To see if I will remember
To pay mindful attention

To the ground beneath me

In front of me

Above the little me

Who is doing her best
To stay with
A world that seems
far to harsh
For gentle souls.

Yet always
When I stay with it
After a simple pause
A few deep cleansing breaths
(Keep going!)

The light of day appears

And I realize I am
A part of the beauty

I become it
It becomes and is me

A larger Me
Connected
Energized

(Keep going...)

10/23/13 

38 degrees F

(pile of clothes at end of run)

What is Flow?

There is an energy that vibrates and hums, winding its way through every cell in your body and in all things. Unseen, yet can be felt, it pervades the Universe and holds all life activity as sacred.

There is a saying, “Being in the flow.” Hard to describe this way of Being in words. The noun flow means the action of moving along in a steady, continuous stream. As a verb, it means to move along or out steadily and continuously in a current. Thus, when we are ‘in the flow’, we let go of expectations, results, control, meaning, and thoughts, and go along with whatever comes up. As with water, the current may be gentle and smooth; or, there may be eddies that form from the build up of debris in our lives, cascading tumultuously downstream. Stay with it, navigate the waters, surf the waves...let yourself be in the flow! I promise that with less resistance on your part, the flow will smooth out into that steady, continuous stream. The more you practice with ease, the more smooth and continuous it becomes.

How does flow apply to Jin Shin Jyutsu?

In Jin Shin Jyutsu, we serve to facilitate movement and balance of subtle energy. This is relaxing and healing! The Source of energy is mysterious, the indescribable Source of Life, The Creator. This life-supportive energy is transmitted through our hands, which serve like jumper cables recharging the battery of a vehicle: placing them along patterns on the body works directly with the energy in each touchspot, as well as affects everything connected with the entire pathway; “jumper cabling” in this manner balances and opens the flow of energy movement within the body. More important than the techniques or prescriptive hand placement patterns, though, is your ability to stay present without ‘trying too hard’. Simply being fully present with yourself as you utilize the hands is what regulates the flow most effectively and efficiently. Like a daily ‘jumpstart’, being Present with simple application of JSJ flows are the spark of life, creating powerful effects for hours and days afterwards. 

An easy, abbreviated-yet-powerful daily flow to try on yourself is:

Sitting

Place your left hand on your coccyx (tailbone), while you place your right hand on the pubis (front center of your bony pelvis, directly opposite of the other hand.) You may use either the palm or back side of hands, fingertips or entire hand, whichever is most comfortable; your touch may be firm, or light as a feather; no pressure or manipulation of tissues is required. There is no wrong way to do it, and nothing harmful will happen.

Laying down

Breathe, relax your shoulders down with a sigh, and simply notice. Become aware of any sensations without trying to make anything happen. Observe texture, temperature, and sensations where your hands are in contact with your body; notice the area between where your hands are. The flow is complete, is balanced, when you notice a gentle pulse or buzz in your hands, or a shift in feel, texture, or temperature. Or, when you sense that you’re done, you’re done! 

When you first do the flow, you may not feel any change, but it is still working. If this is the case, simply keep your hands in place for a count of 10 slow full breaths; over time, you will feel the rhythm or pulse, and if done daily this occurs more quickly. Have fun and let me know what your experience of being in the flow is like!

Flow: Introduction

flow : introduction

/flō/

One of the things I love about Jin Shin Jyutsu, that’s been extremely helpful in my work and personal life, is that it’s not about ‘doing’, it’s about ‘being.’ The less I do, and the more I “be with”, the more supportive and effortless living life becomes!  Although we might say we ‘do Jin Shin Jyutsu’, we actually work towards simply “Being” as we place our hands along particular areas of the body (our own or others’).  This process reduces stress, supports our optimal body functioning, and serves as an effortless meditation. 

For me, Jin Shin Jyutsu is indeed a beautiful form of meditation, “being with”, and living in the present moment. I also practice sitting and movement meditations, yoga and other ways of developing conscious awareness. JSJ integrates well with other forms and belief systems, and does not need to be done in a private, secluded, or ritual way-in fact, it’s easy and most effective to incorporate in your daily activities. Mary Burmeister gave examples of applying JSJ while talking on the phone or sitting in a waiting room, for example.

Through personal experience, research studies, and medical imaging techniques, we know that meditation has far-reaching beneficial effects on body and mind. Although it can seem difficult to practice the stillness intrinsic to the art of Jin Shin Jyutsu, it’s very nature creates the relaxation, movement, and flow you need in your body and in your life, at the perfect time needed, to enliven and elevate your mood and spirit, and improve physical symptoms.

What is flow?

There is a saying, “Being in the flow.” Hard to describe this way of Being in words. The noun flow means the action of moving along in a steady, continuous stream. As a verb, it means to move along or out steadily and continuously in a current. Thus, when we are ‘in the flow’, we let go of expectations, results, control, meaning, and thoughts, and go along with whatever comes up. As with water, the current may be gentle and smooth; or, there may be eddies that form from the build up of debris in our lives, cascading tumultuously downstream. Stay with it, navigate the waters, surf the waves...let yourself be in the flow! I promise that with less resistance on your part, the flow will smooth out into that steady, continuous stream. The more you practice with ease, the more smooth and continuous it becomes.

How does flow apply to Jin Shin Jyutsu? Stay tuned for the next posting...

Humble

“HUMBLE”

 Do you remember the story of Charlotte’s Web?

At the age of nine when I first read this tale, I didn’t know what this declaration meant. I was curious about the word that a little spider chose to save the life of a precious friend, Wilbur the pig. Why would one adjective spun in a web capture the attention and hearts of passers-by? I think it was because being humble imbues a certain unworldliness or innocence, an appreciation and respect for others. It allowed the characters to stop and remember the parts of themselves that are unassuming, down-to-earth, unpretentious, and modest.

Being a Massage Therapist, for me, is humbling. I never said I wanted to be a Massage Therapist. It seemed to just sort of fall my way after becoming a Jin Shin Jyutsu student and practitioner. I spent a year of weekends and countless hours of study for Massage School. We covered ethical conundrums, legalities, and growing a business. Most of all, though, and the main reason, I believe, that I personally was called to be there, was to practice being present: over and over again. If you don’t pay attention to what’s happening each moment, it makes a difference to the person on the table.

The qualities of humbleness allow me to be fully present with my client, to stay in the moment, and adjust to changes in the energetic flow and physical metamorphoses in their body tissues. Each time I become aware of being in the present moment is a new gift that provides the opportunity to increase self-awareness and self-understanding. I learn that I know less than I thought I did, yet somehow I understand that I know far more than anything I was ever formally taught. I am able to use the skills and knowledge I learned in school, and to bring my unique life experience to the table as well. I come to understand that this culmination of using my senses, knowledge, intuitive abilities, feelings, creativity, and intellect, is what Mary Burmeister meant when she said Jin Shin Jyutsu is an art, not a technique (energy bodywork). I’ve discovered it’s likewise with tissue-manipulation bodywork.

My intention is to provide what clients tell me they are there for: a respite from pain, to release a specific area; to offer a relaxing atmosphere and therapeutic touch for stress relief in the body and mind. Safe, professional and ethical conduct. Yet, at the beginning of a session, I know nothing. After more than 600 hours of learning about muscles, bones, movement, and techniques to help people be more at ease in their bodies, I am still ignorant. Ignorant of what is to unfold, moment-by-moment, ignorant of the outcome.

Humble

After spending so much time I’m ignorant

Beginner’s mind, all over again.

I do not know what will happen

They trust

Vulnerable

I sink into the tissues as I place my hands on the body and field of energy.

I am present: sensing, feeling, being

No labeling, analyzing, diagnosing, or fixing anything.

Curious: where is the spaciousness, or room for movement, in the structure?

What does the energy want to be doing?

I ask the energy to move, please move in the way and to where you wish to move. I am willing to meet your there, providing support for this container.

Thank you for providing this opportunity to be of service, to guide this individual in feeling and freeing their Chi.

I use certain points, massage along traditional pathways, feeling the sinews, muscles and bones.

I move, stretch, or hold limbs with care and no particular agenda, except to be of gentle, powerful service.

I am in awe. It is all so mysterious how it works.

HUMBLE.

Beginning Now

 “We begin where we are, how we are, and whatever happens, happens.”

-TKV Desikachar, The Heart of Yoga

Promises to mySelf:

Take good care of my body.

Move/exercise mindfully.

Remember each day to do good work.

Trust that the Universe is a friendly place.

To live my Bodhisattva vow in a more visible way, teaching and Being present with others.

Spend time connecting with family.

Bond with friends, while preserving my solitude & primary relationships.

Create a group.

Share Jin Shin Jyutsu, Yoga, bodywork, essential oils for healing, my hands.

Offer the wisdom that arises from my Intuition/Izumi.

Spend a moment of gratitude for this body, this time, this intelligent mind.

Meditate, every day, and don’t fake it.

Remember, everyone is doing the best that they can right now.

Less worry.

Modulate judgment-let it help me pay attention to protect, and discern it’s usefulness-say “thank you, go away now” if it is in overdrive.

Disperse anger, after feeling and acknowledging it.

Appreciate grief, without getting stuck in it; use it to develop skills of compassion

Notice when I am trying too hard, relax my shoulders, smile and begin again, with ease.

Trust that all is as it is and that is good enough.

Choose Beauty.

Wait...

...to see what unfolds.